Wednesday, January 31, 2007

You know you want some

Oh yeah, just do it. Listen to it while you read this post. When listening. Close your eyes(not really then you couldn't read my words of wisdom) and think about 7th grade (if you are about 24) and have this song wisk you away to that ackward time at the dance when you used to dance with girls with your hands on their hips.

Think of how you would not look at each other, and constantly keep looking the opposite direction.

Think of seeing the little short perverted kid hold his own hands or even wrap his arms so far around the class slut that he could grab his elbows.

Rock...Rock back and forth.

Think of your mouth dry, her hair when she turns her head and it brushes your cheek, and by the grace of god she puts her hand on the back of your neck. You put your arms further around her, your cheeks gently touch, but you still have not made eye contact.

The song ends, and you go running back to your friends who undoubtly saw the whole thing unfold, they punch you in the stomach making fun of you but only because they are jealous. You spend the rest of the night eating chips and talking about somebody's older brother and how the older kids are all getting drunk on Dymatap.

Thats the stuff.

And now listen to this song that came out roughly the same time.
Its a fuck me song.


Today, I had to go to the post office on "main campus" (which is any place other than the law school, and much to my astonishment there IS a huge university past the little island I stay on. Amazing right?

At first I was excited, all these people that I haven't seen yet NOT doing the same boring stuff as me, but then a realization struck me. THESE ARE PLEBIANS, 18 year old momma droped them off at the dorm pleabians. I was taller, older, and much meaner than these twirps. It was they way they walked, the way they talked with their friends. Different. They walked without a care in the world. I guess I used to be that way when the biggest thing I ever had to deal with all week was where was I going to get wasted that weekend, but that kid has long since been killed. Law School has killed him.

Am I better for it? Hmph maybe. At least better for what Im going to school for...

What is worse is that all the frat boys would glance at my face to see if they knew me. WTF? Im not a frat boy.

I bought my stamps, threw in some copenhagen and realized, it may not be law school that caused this...and that was the most terifying thought. ;)

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Scared 1L's

So, today some law students volunteered to help Permant Legal Residence gain US Citizenship. We filled out paper work for the people who couldn't quite understand how the process worked. There were alot of immigration lawerys who were there to answer more difficult questions.

In any event, if anybody asked one of the 1L's what they did they would say. Im at UTLaw(proudly).....Then a wave of fear you could see creeped across their face and they then said....But Im just a 1L, as to avoid being asked any technical question...

Just thought it was funny.

This helps to prove my theory that law school just gives you enough knowledge to make you look like an idiot and will do anything to cover that up.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Comment for MBA Wannabe's

Said in a Corporations Class

Prof: Pretend for a moment, counterfactually, you know, in a sort of nightmare twilight zone world, that you're an MBA. How do you pitch this deal?

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Dichatomy of Texas Students

Perhaps I should have been a sociology major because I constantly try and catogorize people and see how these groups react to each other. Hence why I find Texas A&M and UT a fastinating case study on how groups with similar upbringings change. In any event, I have tried to catorgorize Texas Students into catagories. Here are some I have come up with.

The Typical Frat Boy (yeah who didn't see this one coming)
Characteristics: A light brown Patagonia Fleece (some North Face depending on the frat) boat shoes and kakhi shorts. There hair is always a bit shaggy to long and their faces are always a bit round due to increased consumption of beer. You know what I am talking about? It is like that rim of baby fat that fills their cheeks and in their gut. Croakies..Effing Croakies enough said. You can easily spot these creatures in deep West Campus.

The Older Frat Boy
Characteristics: Seemed to have realized that Fat drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life (thanks Animial House). They have seemed to trade their boat shoes for boots looking more like the freshman frat boys, but instead of the standard issue Red Wings they have opted for a nice cowboy style boot. The shirts are typically long sleeve polo or oxford, but the hair still remains long and the cap typically is turned around backwards. They tend to only hang out with the frat for the parties and the plethora of sorority girls that always follow, but other than that have found their few good buddies and spend time drinking at Cain and Ables talking about when they will take over their dads company. Found in the career center and deep West Campus.

Freshman Frat Boy
Characteristics: Red Wing Boots and ratty jeans. They always wear a faded polo short sleeve or the blue blazer and kakhis. Tired, hungry and limping at weird times these creates are found cleaning and building at frat houses when not blindfoled and left for dead in some field.

Typical Sorority Chick.
Characteristics: Brunette hair that has been highlighted blonde so many times you would think her roots would know better by now. A windbreaker pullover with their sorority letters on the left side is the typical top with some sort of sweat pants or leggings for bottoms. Flip Flops. Jones Hart book purse thingy. It would seem these girls have been eating at the sorority house too much because there is always a layer of "softness" about them which comes from sorority house food and the "punch" at frat parties. Though these girls are somewhat cute you can't help but wonder what the hell happened. This is the darkest time for these chicks because before and after are much better. These creatures are found in the outskirts of West Campus closer to the drag.

Freshman Sorority Chick
Collar Bones. Just think Collar Boans when you see these anorexia inflicted track stars from high school. They haven't eaten in a month leading up to rush and have bought every new style of coach shoe on the planet leading up to this week of hell in the Texas Summer heat. Though their stomachs may be flat, so is their chest with sunk in cheecks and elbows that can cut though brick. These young fawns can be spotted purging themselves behing Hardin House.

The Older Sorority Chick
Characteristics: At the end of the typical sorority girl phase there are two roads the women must travel. 1) Continue on the road of self-defication and be that drunk girl that has had one too many beers over the course of 4 or 5 years but is really nice to make up for the fact that they are fat or 2) lose the weight as to attract the Older Fraturnity guys and Professionals so as to not have to use her college degree a day in her life other than organizing a fundraiser for the PTA. Often times sorority girls choose the latter and become everything a barbie girl should be. Curves in right places and a more natural hair color tend to make these girls quite attractive and the reason they call them "Texas Sorority Girls." The trouble is finding these goddesses of West Campus. Because they are more interest in furthering their social career beyond that of the KA house, they tend to hang out on 4th street sipping martinis and gin and in professional penthouses. If not there, then with the professional or older fraturnity guy talking big plans of marriage and that bitch who is not invited to the wedding because while purging herself her freshman year threw up on Older Sorirty Chicks' shoe.

Non-Sorority Female, but looks like they should have been
Characteristcs: Typically very nice people that put themselves together but not enough as to look like they are competeing with their sorority girl counter part. Hair color is natural and can range from fat to skinny. They come in all kinds. They wear North face backpacks on their back and dont feel ashamed of wearing a cap to class. Usually alot of fun to hang out with. Can be found on 6th and a few frat parties that they were invited too when some guy they knew from high school saw them in class one day.

Non-Fraturnity Male.
Characteristics: Burnt Orange Sweatshirt and some type of sandle that is not Burkenstock (SP i know). Saggy jeans and an occasional chain around their waist or hanging from their pocket. It would seem there are less males not in fraturnities then females not in sororities. Either that or you are in a fraturnity or you look like this. Tend to smoke alot of dope and can easily tell. As opposed to the fraturnity counter part who hides it. These specimens can be found on Red River and in South Mall.

There is no difference between male and female hippies. They all look dirty with long smelly hair and some sort of stocking on their calves. Piercings tend to cover the ears and lips with some in other unmentionalble places. If you can find one not high you have found a 4 leaf clover. If you find one not on something harder than dope you have found 100 dollars on the street. Drug use runs rampant with this type of student if they ever were or are a student. It is hard to tell. Found in the Co-Ops and around Kirby Lane's on the drag

Characteristics: Again no difference between male and female. Hair is black which is either really short or long with a piercing in at least one ackward place on their face. Wear some sort of black sweatshirt type thingy with some homeade patch stitched on the back. Black lipstick and pale skin rounds off these heros of the heroin.

The Foreginer:
Characteristics: Always lost and frazzled. Wears Tivas and a t-shirt with cargo kakhis. They tend to be engineers and attend UT because A&M is the white racist school (which is not true). They tend to run in packs of 5 or more and always have 1 to 2 girls for every group of 5. 2 of which will also wear glasses. They also have a nervous walk to them. Found in Hyde park, walking into traffic off Dean Keeton near the walkway, and in Mai's Noodles.

The Well Adjusted Foreginer.
Characteristics: Have a much more confident put together walk about them. Don't run in packs and know how to party. For some odd reason they never carry backpacks but are always in class taking notes. When class is over, it all dissapears and they walk confidently out of the classroom. Astonishing. These people can be found in Dobie Mall and south west campus.

Grad Students: A mix and match of all of the above without any type of confident walk whatsoever. They stumble intermittently amongst the undergrads with the look of why the hell am I still in school upon their face. After call they tend to travel in packs with their pocket protectors gleaming in the sunlight.

Law Students: Again a mix match of all the above, but with a confident look about them espeicially when they are interviewing in suits. This however does change later in the semster when finals hit where they become scared frazzled little beings that hide from sunlight and growl and nosey undergrads. They stay in a tucked away portion of campus away from undergrads in the northeast part of campus and seen quite frequently before during and after class at Crown and Anchor or Possey East. Their habitat is North Campus if not the library. Can also be found drinking in the early part of the semester of 4th and sometimes 6th. They have to get a piece of those Older Sorority Chicks.

If I find any more I will add them.

A great quote

This was from The Ellen Show (No I don't watch this show, but a good friend of mine showed me this clip)

Around min 4 might be one of the greatest quotes ever.

An Aggie Rap Song...


At least it is better than the "Bryan College Station, Come'on and Raise up"

Friday, January 19, 2007

Now Don't get me Wrong

Im still an Aggie. I love much of what Texas A&M has to offer, but I do realize that some of the things they do are completely ridiculous. The worst of which is if you question what you are doing you are a 2%er. This bothered me when I was there and bothers me even more that Im not there.

Just to clarify...This still is a Texas Aggie's look on BS and everything that is law school, but now some of that look is through burnt orange lenses.

How an Aggie Becomes a Longhorn

If you have read my posts by date you know know that I am a half-breed Aggie and Longhorn. But the question that is probably burning into your mind is how did I become this non-loyal son of a beetch that you read every few months.

Here is the story.

It began with the Red River Shoot Out. So many people hated Oklahoma that I too began to hate their little hillbilly asses. No teeth sister marrying retards. Because of this hostility I was rooting for Texas to beat Oklahoma. The first time I ever wanted Texas to beat Oklahoma since I became an Aggie. Texas won.

This was the beginning of the end.

A few weeks later I was at home watching Texas play Nebraska. They got behind and it was snowing in Lincoln. Then the walk on kicker came on and scored the winning field goal. For the first time since I had been an Aggie, I felt in my gut, in my chest, that I wanted Texas to win. Texas won.

The air had turned a bit chilly and I knew I was heading to Lubbock to see the Longhorns play the next week. I had a Carhart jacket which I loved but it looked very country and I needed something else that was a bit lighter. After shopping around for awhile I made possibly the best purchase of my life. I bought a North Face Denali Fleece. Yes you know it. Black and Grey. This is almost a standard issue at UT, but I didn't care. It was very warm when it was cold and cool when it got hotter.

The very next weekend I made the trip to Lubbock to see the Longhorns play the Raiders. I hate Tech. I want Tech to lose under any circumstance. So naturally I went for the Longhorns. They got behind 21 points, but i didn't worry. The longhorns would pull it out. In the first quarter students began to tear up their own bleachers. Texas Won.

This next point is probably the biggest of them all. So I went to College Station for ESPN Gameday when they played Oklahoma. This is a big deal. At 3am a good buddy of mine hits my hand in a drunken high five and knocks my ring off my hand into the grassy front yard. Being drunk and dark we decided to look in the morning. Everyone got up early for gameday; however, I got up early and headed to Acadamy to buy a metal detector to aid my recovery of the ring. For 3 hours I looked for the damn thing. I had given up and called my friend to ascertain where the tailgate was and to have a beer open for me when I decided to swing the metal detector one last time. It was a miracle I found the thing and that it had not been pushed into the mud. The ring was just too big for me. I had lost weight. I put it in my glove compartment of my car retuned the metal detector Acadamey and went to the game. I have not worn the ring since.

The Aggies then came to Austin, where they then proceeded to beat the Longhorns at home. Though I wore Maroon and set in the A&M student section I would be lying if I wasen't a bit irritated that Texas lost to the Ags. Now granted I was more excited that the Aggies won, especially since all my friends were going NUTS, but hey, whatever.

Then finals hit, in which I did nothing but study for a month and a half. I didn't even get a hair cut.

So after getting drunk on 6th street before heading back to Houston the next day, I looked in the mirror.

I wore cowboy boots, low rise levis jeans, North Face Fleece, No Aggie Ring, Texas Hat, and that curley shag protruded out of it with a bit of scruff.

I then realized......... I'm a Longhorn.

I know everyone was looking forward to this post

12-7 This is the score of the Texas A&M v University of Texas game.

This score now proves my theory. I AM A EFFING LOSER. I have yet to win a rivalry game straight up. I grew up a longhorn when A&M was beating the hell outta Texas. Then I became an Aggie and Texas beat the hell out of A&M for 7 years straight. Now that I am a Longhorn again, the Aggies win.

Yes this is my plight. I am a cursed man that can call no university his home. A man without a university.

As many of y'all know I had a hard time reconciling being a student at both schools and still feel connected to the other one. This feeling has past. I am a true half-breed now. Though this bothers more Aggies than Longhorns, I don't care. I am the rosetta stone of Texas Higher Education.

For awhile many of my Aggie friends kept making fun of me for being a Longhorn and that I wore my Texas hat around (had it since high school). Then I found the response to shut them up, "Ok fine, Hook'Em", "Oh, wait when was the last time you won a National Championship in Football?".

The thing is I am the most dangerous of Longhorns and Aggies. I understand what both schools hold dear and really know how to dig a knife in. So don't mess with me.

Back to 12-7. Friends asked who I rooted for. I wore Maroon and stood in the Aggie Student section. Was I excited the Aggies won? You bet. Was I a little dissapointed that Texas Lost? Yup I sure was. Did I drink for 48 hours over Thanksgiving? Oh Yeah.

Loss of Respect

So, I have lost a great amount of respect for The University of Texas School of Law. Not only did they let me transfer into their prestigious school they let me stay another semester! Thats right folks the morons let me stay. UT Law is not infallable (but my spelling is), and they make blunders and mistakes.

In all honesty it suprised me. Not only did they let me come back they didn't put me on scholastic probation or even put me at the bottom of the class. Now that my friends is just ridiculous. I can't even eat food and not drool all over myself, let alone have the brains to stay at UT Law.

So I want USNews to look at this blog and realize that UT Law is just a bunch of smoke and mirrors. Thats right...SMOKE AND MIRRORS

Yeah, I've been a bad boy

I apologize to all of you avid readers of bootstraps and lawyers that I have not posted since the first week of October. This is truely unacceptable. I found two websites that have taken up all my time.

As many of you know I am a BIG college football fan. I live and breathe the stuff in the fall. I used to have to wait till I talked to my friends to discuss football, but since I found both of those message boards, I could talk about college football 24 hours a day 7 days a week! It was an amazing experience.

My screen name there is Tex117. I post on both Hornfans and TexAgs. Bias aside TexAgs is a better site because it is faster, no pop-ups, and more people tend to post.

I was recently caught on TexAgs for playing both sides. I posted on Hornfans and TexAgs playing each respected side. Yes, I can explain in subsequent posts and Yes, I swing both ways in the most heterosexual way possible.

Now that I have established myself there as a regular respected poster, I am throughly bored. Now, It would seem I will be back to blogging, which I think I am better at.